Happy World Anglo-Indian Day! ✨
You know you’re Anglo-Indian when…
You and your girlfriend are “friendly”.
You’ve never had a grandmother; you’ve always had a Nana. The same goes for Dada.
You jive to hip-hop. Bastard is baashturd.
And baashturd is always preceded by bloody. And if the DJ doesn’t play the “masala,” he’s a bloody baashturd, and you feel like jhaaping or clipping him.
The first thing you ask another Anglo-Indian is “which parish?”
Every sentence you use ends with “men.”
And most sentences you say begin with “cheh men.”
Women are “chicks,” and men are “buggers.”
It’s okay if you skipped your best friend’s birthday, but Sunday 9 o’clock mass, have to go men, to meet the chicks and the buggers.
You utter 9 F’s per 3 words.
England is your favorite European country.
You’ll skip the World Cup final but not the Christmas dance.
You love going to the local “fete” to watch the parish king and queen contest.
An irritating person = swine.
When you disagree, you say “balls.”
You can’t play cricket to save your life, but you rock at football.
Your Hindi is a little better than Michael Jackson’s.
Christmas is not happy, it’s merry.
Suits are black, dark blue, and grey. Only.
On a Saturday night, you want to go out for a “couple-a-beers,” men.
Sunday is ball curry day.
Your freezer is filled with last year’s Sorpotel, which if you heat and eat with pao, it’s damn tasty, men.
You say we are White Washing the house for Christmas!!!!!!… White Washing???
You have pepper water, rice, and pepper fry for lunch on Saturdays.
You ate “kanjee water & rice” when times were hard!
You think the hottest Anglo tailor is ‘Gani,’ and he left you waiting and hoping on Christmas Eve!
All the underwear in your family is called “Jocks,” “Jungyas,” and “Flyingfoxes.”
You walk into a dance with a quarter bottle bulging in your suit pocket.
You know exactly what species of ants “bully ants” are.
You ran into a dude on the main road, and they went, “What Bro long time no see” or “Bro got any change men, never ate from the bloody morning.” You give them something, and they are off…full swing, smile on their face to the grog shop.
You use the phrase “How mad nah!!!” and if you use “blimming and blinking” in every other sentence (still don’t know what they mean – as swear words).
At Anglo weddings, Nana says to pass more wedding cake so she can put some in her hanky to take home.
You played Ringa Ringa Roses, Musical chairs, sang Hotel California more than a dozen times.
You are convinced that everyone else in India is a bloody pye dog, Pariah Bugger, or Wog.
You buy Jow and Bones along with the meat.
You have witnessed the following – Aunty Dolly is laid out and between prayers Uncle Willie wails “How you can leave and go without telling one word chile.”
Dal-puris & Brain is a Sunday Morning breakfast special.
You’re working in a call center even though you haven’t passed 10th grade.
Your Aunties and Uncles get REALLY offended if you don’t greet them with a ‘Mornin’, ‘G’Afnoon’, or ‘D’Evenin’.
You refer to every guy as “bugger” in a conversation.
You and your family go to Mass with everyone wearing the same material. Father and Son have the same material shirt; mom and sis have the same material skirts, and when you go back home, the same material is used for your curtains and the sofa covers.
You didn’t own a tie and a suit but still wore one at the Christmas dance…
Your mama prays to all the saints and every single version of Mother Mary ever known to humankind…
You smoke half a beedi now and keep the other half for after lunch.
You asked your mum where something was that you misplaced, and she answers, “On my head.”
You walked in your short pants and T-shirt to the natta shop down the road or drove around on your bike to your friend’s place like that.
You sing “She’ll be coming down the mountain…” to & fro from a picnic…….
You have coconut rice, ball curry, and devil chutney for lunch on special days.
Ginger wine and Kul Kuls are a ‘must-have’ at Christmas time.
You think ‘She wears my ring’ and ‘Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone’ are still the two hottest songs in the world.
Which one is your favourite? Let me know in the comments below! 😂